Are you having a difficult time coping with infertility? If you are, you may find out soon (if you haven?t already) that you are facing the toughest test in your and your partner?s lives. That is why it is important that the two of you find ways to help handle this ordeal.
So, how should you go about dealing with infertility? There are different ways to cope with infertility problems and these depend on whether you are the infertile person or the partner of the infertile individual.
If you are the infertile one, the first thing that you should do is to tell yourself not to be angry and not to blame yourself. Anger and blaming oneself may be a normal reaction, but it is not healthy to hold on to such negative feelings for a long time. Doing so will make coping with infertility extra hard. Thoughts of ?could haves? and ?should haves? may start popping into your head when you are coping with infertility. If they do, calm yourself by reminding yourself that you are not to blame for your infertility. What?s done is done. The best thing to do is focus on what lies ahead. Plan on what you will do when certain awkward or uncomfortable situations arise, especially during family and children-related celebrations.
Infertile individuals who have successfully gone through (and overcome) the stage of coping with infertility found the following very helpful. During holidays, they visit their family or friends days before or after the event to celebrate with them and at the same time to avoid guests who might not be sensitive and sympathetic to their state. They are picky over accepting invitations. In particular, they don?t accept invitations that involve babies and expectant moms. Moreover, they prepare responses for as many possible baby and infertility questions as they can. Also, they refrain from going to shopping malls, parks, and other places where there are many children. Then, instead of feeling guilty about not attending traditional family festivities, infertile couples start making their own tradition to celebrate the occasion.
Studies reveal that at least one in every 10 couples around the world is dealing with infertility. If you are the partner of the infertile individual, you need to work with your partner as a pair when you are coping with infertility. Yes, you are hurting. However, you should not let the hurt consume you and ruin your relationship. Now is not the time to point fingers at who?s to blame for the pain that the both of you are experiencing. You should become each other?s source of strength and encouragement.
You also need to keep in mind that your partner?s ways of coping with infertility may be different from yours.? Don?t react disapprovingly if they are indeed different. Remember, one amazing thing about us human beings is the fact that we have our individual differences. Be considerate; give your partner more time to adjust to the devastating reality of his/her inability to produce a child.
Another thing you can do is to keep your lines of communication open; ask your partner how you could be of help and share with your partner how he/she can help you. It would be a huge mistake to expect your partner to know what exactly is in your mind. If hugs and kisses make you feel better, say so. If your partner just wants you to listen, do so.
Furthermore, research and learn as much as you can about infertility and visit your fertility doctor together. As a couple, inquire about your options for fertility treatment and decide which treatment is best suited for you. You also have to consider your budget since these treatments can be expensive. Insurance companies rarely cover fertility treatments.
No matter what the outcome of the fertility treatment is ? successful or unsuccessful ? couples will feel a lot of stress. The fear of failing to carry the baby to full term is the top source of stress for a successful fertility treatment while an unsuccessful fertility treatment comes with the stress of failing to conceive (again!). The fear of being unable to take good care of multiple babies at the same time can also be a big stressor for couples.
When the stress is too much for you to handle, it is time to enlist the help of an infertility support group and/or a clinical psychologist. Like you, infertility support group members are facing emotional stress and medical problems. They completely understand what you are going through. Share your feelings with them and learn how to deal with those emotions from them. If you do this, you will have an easier time coping with infertility.